Topic:

Everybody should donate some amount of their income to charity.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay:

There is a view expressing that all people ought to give a particular amount of their salary for charity charity, [Possible missing comma found.] while it can drive a significant drop in a level of poverty. I believe the concerns- struggles concerns-struggles [Possible Typo; This word seems to be formatted incorrectly. Consider fixing the spacing or removing the hyphen completely.] of people from low-income backgrounds and infringing freedom-are more crucial.

The point regarding the implementation of a particular sum of money is likely to mitigate the severeness of poverty. Once the regulation of contributing a to a [Possible missing preposition found.] charity launched, naturally, there will be a considerable increase in charities' income as most of them are run at the expense of individual shares. So that tere will appear a chance to supply more people in need with the basic necessities necessities [Redundant Phrase; Consider using “necessities”.] to improve their living conditions.

In my opinion, however, this initiative may bring about a host of drawbacks. Making people to pay for a donation in a monthly basis can cause the biggest challenge for the people working for a low cost. There is no doubt that a vast number of people are not satisfied with their income income, [Possible missing comma found.] since it is pretty hard to manage covering life expanses. So if there is a fixed amount of money for charity, people are more likely to deal with an influx of upcoming evonomic problems.

On a broader level, it is not only going to make a problem for budget, but also a social issue relating to the breakdown of human rights. Everybody has a right to spend their income in a way they want yet fixing a specific sum to donate would have partly limited their freedom. As a result, governments may recieve severe protests from the workforce who cannot stand for this anti-human rights act.

In conclusion, although implementing an obligatory amount of share for charity can help to reach the stable balance between rich and poor, people with lower wage or salary can find it hard to manage though. Also, since it is expected to be mandatory, it may infringe the freedom of humans.

6.0
Overall Band Score
5.5 - Coherence and Cohesion
6.5 - Lexical Resource
6.0 - Task Response
6.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Good Vocabulary Used : infringing, influx, infringe, implementation, naturally
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️All paragraphs have central topic
- ✔️Proper Paragraphing
- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow. For example, the repetitive use of 'so that' in paragraph 2 and 'also' in the conclusion could be replaced with alternative cohesive devices to improve coherence.
- 🟡 Ideas logically sequenced
The ideas are not always logically sequenced within individual paragraphs. For example, in paragraph 2, the connection between the regulation of contributing to charity and the increase in charities' income could be made clearer. To improve logical sequencing, it's important to ensure that each idea flows smoothly into the next, providing a clear transition for the reader.
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
There is a lack of clear flow from one paragraph to the next, making the message somewhat difficult to follow. The transition from the introduction to body paragraph 1 could be smoother, and the connection between body paragraphs 2 and 3 could be clearer. To improve the flow, it's important to use cohesive devices effectively and ensure that each paragraph leads naturally into the next.
- ❌ Referencing and substitution used
The referencing and substitution are not properly used in the essay. For instance, the use of 'it' in the conclusion is unclear and lacks proper referencing. This can lead to confusion for the reader. Using definite articles and pronouns more effectively can improve the clarity and coherence of the essay.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 6.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Complex phrasing used correctly
- ✔️Spelling and word formation used correctly
- ✔️Formal language used
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
The use of collocations in the essay is partially correct. There are some instances where incorrect collocations are used. For example, 'struggles of people' should be 'struggles faced by people' to form a correct collocation. To improve, I suggest using 'struggles faced by people from low-income backgrounds' to maintain the correct collocation.
- 🟡 Variety of words used to prevent repetition
The student has demonstrated some word repetition in the essay. For example, the word 'income' is repeated multiple times. To improve, the student can use synonyms such as 'earnings' or 'wages' to avoid repetition.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
The vocabulary chosen by the student is partially precise and expressive. However, there are instances where the vocabulary does not fit the topic. For example, 'evonomic problems' should be 'economic problems.' To improve, the student should ensure that the vocabulary chosen fits the topic and is precise and expressive.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 6.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
- ✔️Major grammatical Errors are avoided
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The essay contains some awkward and unclear sentence structures that affect the overall clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase 'the concerns- struggles of people from low-income backgrounds and infringing freedom-are more crucial' is unclear and lacks proper sentence structure. It should be rephrased for better clarity and coherence.
- 🟡 Used appropriate grammar tenses
There are instances where the correct grammar tenses are not used appropriately. For example, 'So that tere will appear a chance to supply more people in need with the basic necessities to improve their living conditions.' The correct form should be 'So that there will be a chance to supply more people in need with the basic necessities to improve their living conditions.' Additionally, 'evonomic' should be 'economic.' These errors affect the overall accuracy of the essay.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
There are several punctuation errors throughout the essay. For example, 'So if there is a fixed amount of money for charity, people are more likely to deal with an influx of upcoming evonomic problems.' The correct punctuation should be 'So, if there is a fixed amount of money for charity, people are more likely to deal with an influx of upcoming economic problems.' Additionally, 'recieve' should be 'receive.' These errors affect the flow and readability of the essay.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Sentence: The point regarding the implementation of a particular sum of money is likely to mitigate the severeness of poverty.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: "severeness" should be replaced with "severity"
Correction: Replace "severeness" with "severity"
Explanation: The correct word to use in this context is "severity," which means the state or quality of being severe.

Sentence: So that tere will appear a chance to supply more people in need with the basic necessities to improve their living conditions.
Error Type: Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: "tere" should be replaced with "there"
Correction: Replace "tere" with "there"
Explanation: The correct word to use in this context is "there," which indicates a place or position.

Sentence: Making people to pay for a donation in a monthly basis can cause the biggest challenge for the people working for a low cost.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: "Making people to pay" should be replaced with "Making people pay"
Correction: Remove "to" after "Making people"
Explanation: The correct structure is "Making someone do something," so the infinitive form of the verb should not be used after "making."

Sentence: So if there is a fixed amount of money for charity, people are more likely to deal with an influx of upcoming evonomic problems.
Error Type: Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: "evonomic" should be replaced with "economic"
Correction: Replace "evonomic" with "economic"
Explanation:The correct word to use in this context is “economic,” relating to economics or financial matters.

Overall, your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. However, there are some errors related to lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy. Make sure to proofread your essay carefully before submitting it.
Improved Rewritten Essay using Your Ideas
Your Rewritten Essay

There is a widespread belief that individuals should allocate a portion of their earnings to charitable causes, with the expectation that this will lead to a substantial reduction in poverty levels. However, I contend that the pressing issues faced by those from low-income backgrounds and the potential infringement of personal freedom are of greater significance.

The argument advocating for a mandatory financial contribution is based on the premise that it could alleviate the severity of poverty. It is anticipated that such a regulation would result in a significant upsurge in the funds available to charitable organizations, many of which rely heavily on individual donations. Consequently, there would be an opportunity to provide essential resources to a larger number of individuals in need, thereby improving their living standards.

Nevertheless, I am inclined to believe that this approach may give rise to several adverse consequences. Compelling individuals to make regular monetary contributions could pose a significant challenge for those earning modest incomes. It is undeniable that a considerable proportion of the population struggles to make ends meet due to the inadequacy of their earnings. Therefore, imposing fixed donation amounts may exacerbate their already precarious financial situations.

On a broader scale, this proposal not only presents budgetary challenges but also raises social concerns related to the violation of human rights. Every individual has the right to allocate their income as they see fit; however, mandating specific donation quotas would encroach upon this fundamental freedom. As a result, governments may face vehement opposition from workers who perceive such measures as an infringement on their basic human rights.

In conclusion, while enforcing compulsory charitable contributions may contribute to achieving greater equity between the affluent and underprivileged segments of society, it could impose undue hardship on those with lower incomes. Furthermore, given its obligatory nature, it has the potential to impinge upon individual freedoms.


Improved Sentences
  • Original: Making people pay for a donation in a monthly basis can cause the biggest challenge for people working for low cost.
    Improved: Compelling individuals to make regular monetary contributions could pose a significant challenge for those earning modest incomes.
    Reason: The improved sentence uses more formal language and replaces

Suggested better vocabulary
  • contend
  • pressing issues
  • infringement
  • mandatory financial contribution
  • alleviate
  • upsurge